Wintry
I’m going to go back tomorrow, really I am.
I don’t want to. I ever so much don’t want to. And I don’t know why. My research is — was? I’m not doing anything now — going fine. I keep thinking of leaving. I wonder if it’s because I’m worried I won’t measure up or rather because the realities of the job market are getting to me.
I think of retraining as an electrician. I could work where I wanted. I could work when I wanted. There’s always a job. I could even get a PhD, retrain, work as an electrician and do research on the side.
Because, and sometimes I hate this fact, but I like the research. I enjoy it. I enjoy discussing it.
But I am unhappy now. I don’t want to leave. I am not doing anything.
I wonder if it’s just winter, biting. It’s too cold to go out, too cold to do anything. Winter is never going to end, not this year. It gets colder and colder, day after day. Too cold to be happy.
January 25th, 2004 at 12:16 am
I hear ya, re: the cold.
January 25th, 2004 at 11:04 am
some days ago, i was in similar mood - so maybe you have got right: it is winter =)
in poland we’ ve got that proverb:
co nas nie zabije, to nas wzmocni.
January 28th, 2004 at 10:57 pm
I’m with Cindy and marek. If you still feel the same way when the weather is warm and the sun is shining, that’s different — but cold weather seems to bring on the most extreme cases of “why didn’t I just run off and join the circus/become a beach bum/move to Rio” thinking.
Around here, it’s entirely possible to believe at some level that winter is never going to end. (Every spring I find myself surprised that it’s really getting warmer!)
January 29th, 2004 at 9:30 am
My roommate last year was from Texas and, up until last winter, had not believed in the existence of SAD.
Hah.
Marek: if I understood Polish, what would I understand your proverb to mean? :>