Plans and portents
Last night was fun, for some definitions of fun that include a total utter lack of fun.
I couldn’t sleep. Now, I also slept probably 14 hours in the car (happy! (otc) sleeping! pill!), so not being tired was sort of expected, but being awake until 5 or so? Not really. What was particularly fun was the part where I woke almost everyone up by crying so hard.
Yes, of course I’m hanging some other grief on my cat’s death. But in part it was just being there when she died. I was sick right after it, and pretty much have spent 2 days crying. This is — a lot. It’s about so much else, I think. I know. (Actually, she was 16, not 17.)
Of course then I actually *talked* about (somelittle bit of) it last night — amazing, sometimes, how much that can help. Not that I stopped crying or anything after talking about it. I’m not sure how much better I feel. But it’s (comparatively) warm here and breathing in some fresh air might help. I’ve made some plans, things bloggable and not, but all in the future, once I’ve thought some things out a bit more, I can finish making the plans in writing. But I need to actually sleep on it instead of stay awake overnight on it first.
Time to go, time to go. Butterfly gardens in my immediate future.
December 19th, 2004 at 1:54 pm
I’m so sorry. I hope the butterfly gardens help.
December 19th, 2004 at 11:22 pm
Your post reminds me a great deal of how it feels to attend a funeral. In the midst of grief, back at the house afterwards, we all usually tell a funny story about the deceased and recall the reasons why we loved. The mourning can be every bit as hard with a pet but more isolating since the dear one’s best friend experiences it without the house load of relatives and close friends wolfing down food and exchanging nervous laughs and tears. Take care. I’m thinking of you.
December 20th, 2004 at 5:27 am
I think crying is good, even if it’s really, really hard and exhausting.
December 20th, 2004 at 12:39 pm
Butterfly gardens sound marvellous. Although difficult, the timing of going away right now is probably quite good for you. I hope you find the vacation healing. And I agree with LiL, crying is a good thing.