Comments on: Another fun vacation post!

By: melancholic

melancholic — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 05:05:11 +0000

Positively not; positively not unsalvageable–are you kidding? But yes, it sounds like you need to change jobs, even make a drastic switch. How many times have you heard the story of someone who started someplace else, and then switched midstream to do what they really wanted to do? Often enough, I think, or at least I have. I personally don’t trust people who start in a particular job or industry, having jumped into it right after college, and work in it their entire lives; I wonder whether they lack the fortitude even to get lost.

But the sense that you’ve screwed up your life, that you want more from it, that you wonder what you’ve accomplished in the past eight years, that time is slipping away–these are signs of a noble sensiblity, and that you’re paying attention. But perhaps I mythologize melancholy more than I should. . .

By: michelle

michelle — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 05:48:54 +0000

I’ve very bad at talking about this sort of thing but yet I can’t keep my mouth shut because this is often how I feel myself. The reason I’m bad at it is that I have other people in my life who say things that help to ground me. Brit has an entire stockpile of sayings, like “one monkey out doesn’t break the wheel” and “I was looking for a job when I found this one” but the truth is, there’s no telling how long brit would have lived at home if I hadn’t come along and made him move. We hedge each other back and forth so it’s very hard for me to give advice because it seems empty because I’m not in your place. I don’t think that anything is unsalvageable but I often feel that way myself. I wish I had the courage to express my dire thoughts like you do.

By: LiL

LiL — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 12:32:33 +0000

I also don’t think anything is unsalvageable, but I do often feel like it is when I’m stuck with a bad thing that takes up a lot of my time and emotional and mental energy. I then feel like I’ve wasted my whole entire life. Except usually it turns out that there IS a way out and there’s all this time still ahead and you never, ever know what part of the piece you feel is wasted will actually turn out to be good for something later on. Right at this moment I’m in a place where this is really the case for me but had you asked two years ago, I would have been feeling like nothing I’ve ever done was good for anything. And who knows, in two years I might feel that way again. At some point in time, and probably not in the distant future either, I probably will feel that way again.

What I’m trying to say is, whatever is now is not forever. Something like what Brit says to Michelle…

By: LiL

LiL — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 12:34:42 +0000

Oh, and I think Melancholic is totally right about the noble sensibility… probably one has to find a way not to go under completely because of the resulting melancholy though. And I know this is a constant struggle for me.

By: wolfangel

wolfangel — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 15:05:01 +0000

I do intend to change jobs, and some of the things I am looking to are quite different. Whatever ends up working out, though I have some preferences. I need to do real research first.

I’ve changed midstream already, and more than once, and it was never the wrong decision — but I wonder, sometimes, was it ever the right one? Couldn’t I have changed to something better, or . . . but of course it’s too late to remake those changes.

I wonder about what to say about melancholy. I mean, it’s not all terrible — but it’s not not, either. Sometimes it would be nicer to be content, despite what I might lose. But of course if I look at people, there is no one whose life I want.

It’s not advice I need, exactly, or want; just knowing that other people — people who seem, to me, not to have failed, or ruined their life — feel the same way helps. I mean, I don’t wish it on others, but it’s nice to know that it’s there, given it already is.

Lil, you’re right: things can — and will — change. I have a job, and I can look for another (though I admit I would like to quit my job and see what happens, I know that would be a bad idea). I have some plans for that. I have sort-of plans for other changes I want to be making. Need to be making.

Sometimes, though, the melancholy freezes me.

By: Harrison

Harrison — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 21:48:45 +0000

How pervasive these feelings seem to be lately…

By: terminaldegree

terminaldegree — Mon, 27 Dec 2004 07:25:34 +0000

How frustrating. Been there. Found myself in a job a few years back where I disliked the work (and a lot of my coworkers, except for a great boss), was bored a lot, and saw no opportunities to advance. Yet it took me a while to make a change, and I was really nervous to hand my resignation letter to my boss. (Luckily he was very supportive of my decision.)

No experiences are wasted, no matter how dark things may seem at the time. (At least that’s what I’ve learned…)

Hang in there!

Dr. T