Comments on: Lonely?

By: michelle

michelle — Sat, 29 Jan 2005 07:02:45 +0000

When I was young(er), I liked to go to clubs to dance. I liked being in an atmsophere that was so unrestrictive. If you’re young and can’t enjoy these things, go ahead and figure out what floats your boat and move on but don’t beat yourself up over it if you dont’ appreciate the hard party.

By: profgrrrrl

profgrrrrl — Sat, 29 Jan 2005 16:42:03 +0000

Hey … once I turned 21 my interest in the whole clubbing thing was gone. I like to go for a few calm drinks (which may or may not involve alcohol) to hear some live music (nothing too crazy) but that’s it. I have friends who do the crazy clubbing thing and just invite them to other activities. Friends. Tough topic. I don’t make them so easily, at least not good ones. That can be quite a source of frustration. It’s OK to not be like others, to be unique.

Oh, and I hear you on the physical touch thing. Drives me crazy. I’m someone who really needs it.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Sat, 29 Jan 2005 19:09:30 +0000

I’ve so been there. I wasn’t without friends in graduate school, but…the “no physical contact at all” thing? Yes. And the “everyone I know is in a couple” thing? Also yes. And you’re absolutely right about the blogosphere helping with some forms of isolation but not others.

I also don’t think you’re uncool if you’d rather not have your social life hinge on drinking and hanging out in bars. Plenty of cool people aren’t into that.

By: wolfangel

wolfangel — Mon, 31 Jan 2005 02:47:20 +0000

I’m clearly still not getting my point across. Darn. It’s not that I hate not enjoying partying — I mean, I don’t like it, I don’t wish I liked it, it just holds no appeal at best. It’s that I wonder where exactly I differ from most everyone else, or how, or why — something I can’t quite express properly.

By: Rana

Rana — Mon, 31 Jan 2005 19:13:04 +0000

Well, I’ve often suspected that far fewer people genuinely _enjoy_ doing things like getting drunk in loud bars; it’s more that they can’t think of any other way to have fun, or they’re paralyzed by not being “cool.”

One thing that’s pretty clear about you from your posts, wolfangel, is that while you care about what other people think of you, you also have a good sense of what you do and don’t want/like and a willingness to reject the given path if it doesn’t suit. So it’s not surprising you’re mystified by the bar flies. Most people aren’t good at (or comfortable with) identifying their likes and dislikes on their own — they prefer the pre-packaged versions society offers us — and even if they are, it’s often easier to just go along.

However, every cool trend began with a person who broke from the herd, so don’t beat yourself up for not being a herd animal.

By: Rudbeckia Hirta

Rudbeckia Hirta — Tue, 01 Feb 2005 01:24:34 +0000

I probably could have written much of this. (How many guesses do you need to figure out why I dated a few creepy guys back in the day?)

I am incapable of going to bars. Well, for one, I don’t know anyone who goes to bars. (That might be because, oh, the only person I know in this city is a “friend of Bill.”) And I can not go to bars alone for two reasons: I don’t know how bars work (the logistics of the whole thing — I can’t eat at complicated cafeterias for much the same reason) and going to a allegedly-social environment and then totally FAILING at being social is much worse than staying home.

By: V. Vachula

V. Vachula — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 02:55:33 +0000

Wow. This thread is so old that this will probably go unread - but I’ve been struggling with exactly the same issues myself lately. Why is it that “normal” people seem to love to go out to bars and party? And if not everyone is into that, where do THOSE people hang out? They’re much harder to find, it would seem. I’m one of them.