a wolf angel is not a good angel

Academics tend to have to-do lists on their blogs, where they write things like “write book” or “win a grant to go travel for 3 months” or stuff.

Now, I’m not doing anything quite so exciting, but I have been getting quite excited by my lists of things I’ve done.

So why not make a list that I will do, and then I get the joy of having an all-crossed off list? If I can count writing half an email, I can count *anything*.

• have breakfast
• read the newspaper
• help my father fix his computer, again
• go for dessert with friends
• finish reading book
• blog a bit
• play with the cat

I am going to be so productive today!

So my friend’s mother has offered to be my agent which is nice, but I feel guilty. Still: I can give her more details, and she can decide that I would be buying something well below her price range. Or not. I just don’t understand why anyone would ever want to do something nice for me.

I wonder, is it duller to read all about the things I don’t get done, my fear about buying a house, or my bouts of depression? Scraping the bottom of the barrels, here.

I’m sure it doesn’t matter that much. I had some milk with Kahlua and I am hoping this will help put me to sleep properly. I need to catch up on sleep. I am not sleeping well. I used to always sleep well.

I think I will shut up now.

Today I finished the email I started yesterday.

I am so grateful it is Friday. There are no words.

I half-finished my email to my friend’s mother, the realtor!

That counts as an accomplishment, right?

If not: I also returned a library book that was due today.

Weirdest comment spam. There’s no link to anything, or at least no well-formed link. Just this:

wolfs are dangerous and scary stay away from them!! i would you crazy people.

Well, it’s only 80% if you insist on American punctuation standards: I don’t. So really I was perfect. Perfect, I say!

If you have 6 people working in a store, but only one at the cash, and there’s a line at the cash, do you think that maybe — just maybe — your staff’s priorities are off?

(NB: Written yesterday, internet at work was down.)

I am noticing I am shying away more and more from physical contact again. I am noticing, too, that I think it is because I am not someone people would want to touch (in any sense of the word, really, not just the literal) and also because I feel I am not worth touching, dirtied, dirty.

It’s spring now, certainly, and here I am, longing for summer.

You can think what you like about the Vancouver 2010 Olympics logo — I happen to like it — but noticing “the remarkable resemblance it has to Pacman“?

I have plans tomorrow night. I am either going to go to the university of the streets cafe (scroll to April 27) or to what they claim is an actual Mexican place, which serves — oddly — Mexican-style tapas. I love Mexican food, and I am not so good with the postponing, plus I am sick of matza and want to go eat treyf. The talk could be (a) really neat or (b) so frustrating I want to tear my hair out; it’s inconveniently located, so it would be difficult to return to Mexican food after, plus it would be *late*, and I would be hungry.

I am a bit tempted by both, which usually means that I have made up my mind but know I’ve made the wrong decision. I think I will see if my friend will make the decision, and then I can enjoy myself either way, because no responsibility.

It’s remarkable how much that idea can appeal. I see why it’s not really a good one, but I often wish it were.