some lucky
I am noticing I am shying away more and more from physical contact again. I am noticing, too, that I think it is because I am not someone people would want to touch (in any sense of the word, really, not just the literal) and also because I feel I am not worth touching, dirtied, dirty.
It’s spring now, certainly, and here I am, longing for summer.
April 28th, 2005 at 12:23 am
Sometimes, I feel that there’s not enough soap in the world to cleanse. All I can do is believe in my inherent beauty; it’s often my belief that counts more than the others. Wish you the same.
(WA)
April 28th, 2005 at 11:36 am
I think I was too young when first I read Macbeth.
But that’s quite it: some dirt feels permanent and dangerous, infectious almost.
April 29th, 2005 at 12:45 am
Are you serious about Macbeth? I mean, do you think that reading it has permanently affected you in a negative way?
This conversation seems familiar. I think we’ve talked before about whether one can leave behind past hurts or if it’s permanently a part of your psyche, just hidden or buried at times. (I’m of the latter opinion.)
April 29th, 2005 at 7:47 am
I meant more that I didn’t understand it properly when I first read it (though I lovedloved it). It might have affected me — probably did — but I’m going to say that it’s not actually the reason I get depressed. (Though, if I remember correctly, I read it the first year I started getting depressed, which is the time I was just just beginning puberty.)
I am sure we’ve talked about this. And I’m essentially of the last option as well. I am actually briefly feeling better, so this is sort of nice.
April 29th, 2005 at 10:36 am
That’s interesting to consider the various mediums affecting one’s outlook or, more to the point, I guess, directly intersecting and introducing concepts when you’re undergoing changes or experiencing new emotions that parallel in some way. Movies, books, music. Hmmm.