like a river you fight your own bed
I am very tired. I do not know how much I have slept lately: not much. I have been having bad dreams. I haven’t slept because I prefer this half-awake state to fractured sleep. But I am having trouble standing up. I am making very little sense when the tiredness catches up with me, though sometimes it is fine and I can be coherent.
My bad dreams have shortcuts, too: a hug is code for betrayal.
September 1st, 2005 at 10:47 am
‘A hug is code for betrayal’? That either says something deep about your psyche or that you’re having mafia dreams.
September 1st, 2005 at 12:28 pm
Actually, it says mostly that my dreams can be alarmingly literal.
September 2nd, 2005 at 2:23 am
Crappy sleep is a symptom of depression; dreams themselves are just weird, but you’re really not meant to remember most of them. Waking up a lot at night, and _especially_ frequent waking ahead of the alarm in the morning are signs of depression. With other posts you’ve made on the subject, I _strongly_ encourage you to get evaluated professionally for depression. Untreated, it tends to get worse. Don’t put yourself through unnecessary hell, and don’t think of it as a personal failing. Badly tuned brain chemistry isn’t any more your fault than type 1 diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, or any other non-lifestyle-related chronic illness.
September 2nd, 2005 at 11:14 am
I would not argue with the diagnosis of depression, but truly, I have tried many antidepressants, and they do not work (or rather, I get really, really bad side effects which cause their own depression). If at some point something new comes up, I will try them again then, but I haven’t heard of anything new.