a wolf angel is not a good angel

Yet again, I am working on cleaning up, and mostly failing at it. Except — as usual — for my kitchen, which is cleanish. (Needs more cleaning, but I need to blog work.)

So I’m trying to think up plans for how I can make myself clean. Reserve 5 minutes every hour to neaten? Is 5 minutes too short to get anything done before it’s over? Do things like laundry count? I know I can’t force myself to clean for much longer than that, because I get bored or distracted and I don’t care enough otherwise. Could I invite people over? I’d clean up if people were here. Maybe. Possibly I would pile stuff in my bedroom.

I mean, my place isn’t quite as disastrous as I’m making it sound (and it’s much better than other places I’ve lived, though I am just giving myself time here). But it’s not exactly not, either. And thinking about how I want to clean it up tires me. But having it not clean also tires me.

I liked Match Point. I’d never read a review, nor even seen the preview.

So now I saw the preview and holy cow, what is up with giving away half the story (in a very misleading way) in the trailer? This is a good movie, you don’t need to do that with good movies. But then I notice that all the reviews are doing the same. What is up with this? I don’t read reviews often (I don’t see that many movies), but movie reviews usually don’t give away the end (unlike, oddly, book reviews). Why would people do that? Here’s a movie/book! Here’s the entire story, so you know if you want to see/read it or not.

Condo association meeting today, which was interesting. Another one next week, which will also be. There was a lot of construction, which took a long time (contract didn’t specify that if it took longer than whatever, there would be reduced fees every month or so), and by now everyone’s nerves are frazzled. I too am having issues — not with the condo members — which I am not blogging about because they are stressing me out far too much. I have been sleeping poorly because of all of this. I am still not into the writing of it, because stress!

Unrelated to this, why can’t I find unsweetened coconut or cardamom anywhere?

9:00: Note: people in BC, pretend you’re not reading this for the 30 minutes until it’s 30 minutes before your polls close in 30 minutes for the half hour until your polls also close.

I don’t really know what the point of allowing news out before the polls close is, what with there not actually being any news before the polls close. Right now the CBC is telling us “millions of people got outside to vote . . . in the coldest part of a Canadian winter”.

9:05 Okay, they’re not actually publishing news, they’re just talking about how they’re going to have news really soon, and a little timer on the bottom of the screen, counting down the time, and talking about the weather in Yellowknife (-16, unseasonably *warm*).

9:07 People on horses say lots of people will vote, and hey, last year it was warm in Chilliwack, but this year it’s rainy. Dear god, this is stupid.

9:08 There are ridings in doubt in all regions! The Liberals are trying to keep some ridings from going Conservative, NDP, or Bloc.

9:10 This is a super important election, so let’s go to Rick Mercer, because we’ve got nothing to say.

9:11 Let’s go to RERUNS of Rick Mercer from less than an hour ago. No wonder his head is so big it’s almost exploded.

9:15 We’ve been on TV for a long time. In Ontario, there are a lot of seats, and it’s important for the Liberals to keep them, and they have pressure from the Conservatives on the right and the NDP on the left.

9:16 Will Olivia Chow win? She’s Jack Layton’s wife.

9:17 In some ridings, the challengers didn’t run last time, and in others, they did. Will that matter?

“Even during a cold winter campaign, the prairies can still have hot controversy.” SHUT UP.

9:19 People will be making a big decision in this election.

9:22 Don Cherry says stupid and offensive things. Maybe I shouldn’t watch CBC.

9:26 Zoned out, there are no words for how stupid this pre-election coverage is.

9:31 Liberal - 19, Conservative - 10, NDP - 3, BQ - 1. Share of vote is perhaps a little irrelevant

9:37 25/11/5/1, but one riding is reporting 6 votes. Why are you bothering to even say you’re leading if there are 6 votes? (I am sad that this didn’t show Green winning.)

9:38 Hey, when we had only part of the votes, it looked like the Conservatives were neck-and-neck with Bloc in Gaspesie-Iles-de-la-Madeleine, but now they’re not.

9:41 Quebec will be interesting, but we’re just going to talk about how it will be, because we don’t have any actual results.

9:42 Chicoutimi, the Liberals and the BQ are tied at 13 votes each, looks good for the Liberals! Hello? Are we totally nuts?

9:44 Selkirk-Interlake, they have counted 8 votes. NDP is beating Conservative. (5-2-1 for the Liberals). Arguably this is stupider than the pre-election coverage.

9:47 Let’s show just the Ontario ridings, because no one else matters.

9:48 45-24-9-4, but recall that there are few prairie results yet.

9:49 Every single party is up from last time.

9:51 52-45-12-9: we’re moving west!

9:53 56-59-14-12: the conservatives are now ahead! I might decide to change my order to Conservative-Liberal-Bloc-NDP, because it’s easier.

9:57 My riding is not returning results. Stupid geezers counting slowly. My parents’ riding is also not, but that one’s not interesting.

9:59 83C 70L 26B 17N 1Independent

10:00 Welcome, BC and Yukon. CBC, open your internet now.

10:04 Internet is open. Internet is so painfully slow. Paul Martin is trailing in his riding by 3 votes, my riding hasn’t returned any results yet. Harper is winning, as is Layton. Duceppe is, of course, though I haven’t seen any results.

10:08 Predict a Conservative minority.

10:13 I wonder if the single Green vote in my parents’ riding is my father’s.

10:16 Green Party has a lead in one riding with one poll returning. But this is the first time ever, so good on them.

10:26 I realise I get bored very easily. All the riding-by-riding results are not showing. 10 Conservatives in Quebec so far.

10:28 2 ridings in Quebec are still not returning results. Current results: 111C 96L 50B 25N 1I. Paul Martin will be reelected.

10:39 I consider sleeping, given that hey, it’s exactly the result I predicted.

10:55 Ready for bed! Sad that, yet again, the NDP lack the balance of power by one or two seats, and sadder that I am hoping more seats go to the Conservatives so the NDP get it. (The BQ do have the balance of power and are more likely to have some relationship with the Tories, but still.)

11:05 Which riding isn’t reporting yet? Why not? And who finds it interesting that this will be a heavily rural result? Why does everyone insist on saying things which are totally not news.

11:13 My riding has been called for the Bloc. Why am I awake listening to results I don’t care about?

11:18 Bad curling “joke”. But the turnout will be over 60%, which is good. NDP continues to just barely lack the balance of power, but I suspect these numbers will change a lot — there will be a couple of close counts. Plus, you know, there’s one more riding to come.

11:20 Currently if NDP gets Vancouver Centrem they’d have the balance of power.

11:21 Not anymore (due to ridings going back and forth between Conservative and Liberal). And now they have it again, or could.

11:22 Now they have it no matter who gets that last slow, bizarre riding. What is going on? It’s been shut for 80 minutes.

11:24 All polls reporting! News update: Montreal has no Conservatives! Neither will Toronto or Vancouver! Maybe it will be fun to be hated by two levels of government.

In honour of a new government, I got new groceries. Except for garlic, which I forgot, and cardamom, which they didn’t have, alas. How can I live without cardamom? Guess who has to go grocery shopping again?

I also went to the library, of course, which poses a problem. I am currently reading three books, which I am enjoying a lot, but I just got a book I really really want to read *now*. I could just read it then go back to the other three, but it seems like cheating, somehow, or like I won’t get back to the others if I start this one, or like they’ll feel left out: why not anthropomorphise books, too?

I went to my voting precinct. I tell a zillion people I am not on the elector’s list, and finally get to go to get a little slip of paper that says I should vote here.

To show that I was legally allowed to vote in this riding, I had to:

• show my driver’s license, with a little sticker on the back which showed my new address.

To show that I was legally allowed to vote in this riding, I did not have to:

• show proof of citizenship in any way;
• show any other proof of residence like, for example, a utility bill or bank statement.

Actually, you do not even need to show ID, if you go with someone else who does have ID and will swear to who you are. But I have ID.

I go wait in my subpart of the riding (they have names but I forget what they are), which is the *only* one with a line up, and wait and wait and wait: only one person can vote per whatever at once. Then, just as I near the front, I notice that I show up as Middle Name, Misspelled Last Name First Name on my yellow sheet (the one they gave me when I added myself to the electoral list), so I go back to get this fixed. The whole voting place is staffed by senior citizens, so it takes forever. Among the things they didn’t do: look at my ID again to confirm my name, but I got the misspelling fixed.

I go back into line, after a bunch of people get there in front of me. Wait wait wait. I hand them my paper, which they copy down into yet another book. They do not ask for ID, though they ask for it from people who have just the voter registration card. I go to the booth and look mournfully at my possibilities. Conservative, no, Bloc, no: that was easy. Liberal, no: that was almost as easy. NDP, Green, NDP, Green. I want an NDP presence in Quebec; I do not want this particular candidate elected, I very much do not want this guy elected. He won’t be, of course — Bloc will win — but I feel sick thinking of voting for him. But my riding has eleventy million Bloc and Conservative and Liberal signs, and eleventy ZILLION NDP signs, but only a half dozen Green signs. (I also got stuff from all the candidates except the Green party.) Can’t you even pretend to care? I wish I could vote Bloc Pot (or whatever they’re called now, despite not actually smoking pot) or Marxist-Leninist or Communist or independent, because I am so dissatisfied with all my choices. NDP Greeen NDP Green NDP Green.

I vote and regret who I selected almost immediately, though I’d've regretted it either way.

I go and have breakfast (a somewhat weak and overpriced mocha, a nice raspberry-apricot-chocolate muffin), then buy bread, fruit and veggies, and smoked chipotle peppers (my priorities are totally straight). I still need some other things (dairy and eggy things, and stuff to make butter chicken, and — well, lots of stuff), but at least I’ve bought some food, and it’s easier to continue than to start.

Tonight, expect super-exciting election liveblogging starting at 9 EST, when I will turn on the TV which will be broadcasting results. Sadly, I will not find info online, unless foreign outlets bother to post things before the Canadian ones can. Stupid time zones.

Time to get out and vote! Even if, like me, you’re undecided about who to vote for. And even if, like me, you’re not actually on the list of electors in your riding, so you need to go with documentation and stuff, because you were too lazy to do it any earlier.

I am going to, maybe, get myself a nice breakfast after voting, if it doesn’t take too long, and if I don’t feel too lazy.

The other side of my feeling forced to finish things is my avoidance of finishing other things. Cleaning, for instance: I will clean up for however long then stop just before things are clean. Sure, I have 15 minutes left to do in my living room, but I am not doing it, and by the time I do it, there will be more than the 15 minutes left.

I didn’t force myself because I wanted to watch an episode of House, which isn’t really queen of the excuses. I am now not forcing myself because I am supposed to go out with my grandmother, which is a better excuse, but of course I could have finished that AND the bathroom AND the office in the time I took watching TV. (The kitchen is pretty much clean, my bedroom is not.)

I have nothing against completing things. I like the sense of accomplishment, generally. But for some reason, cleaning up is not there. And I’m not even counting washing the floor, which is my least favourite of all these unfavourite tasks, and something I do less often than I will admit.

It has been argued that the messiness is a symptom of and cause of my depression.

Why do I feel guilty when I start a book and dislike it, so guilty that I will not stop until I have finished, which drags out forever, because, hey, I don’t like the stupid book.

Your Social Dysfunction: Schizotypal You display social deficits and oddities of thinking. Your perception and communication are similar to those of a schizophrenic.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Please note that we aren’t, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

I’m not *that* antisocial. Quite.

via Profgrrrrl