Questioning
Under what circumstances is it reasonable to cancel plans because something else came up? (Where else is not illness or death or something else bad like that.)
You’re welcome to bear in mind relative importances of the two plans, how often you get to see these people or whatever else seems to be relevant. Also bear in mind that since we’re coming up with times that it’s reasonable, the default — and, to my mind, correct — assumption is that generally, it’s not.
I’m really curious what people think here. I know there are people who lurk — please answer. (Made up names are fine, made up email addresses are fine, though new-to-commenting-here email addresses will get moderated initially.)
June 15th, 2006 at 7:22 pm
Maybe for something that’s a one-time opportunity to do something really important to you, and it would be possible to reschedule the original plan. But I think I would only feel okay about doing that if I knew the people the first plan was with well enough that I could explain and they would understand why the new thing was so important.
I guess I might try to compromise. A few years ago, a friend’s wedding and two other friends’ 21st birthday parties (big coming-of-age kind of deals, not just an ordinary birthday) were all on the same night and I’d verbally committed myself to the wedding and my very good friend’s birthday before they announced the dates, so I ended up going to the wedding service and the reception up to the speeches and first dance, then got to the 21st just in time for the speeches and toasts there. I couldn’t go to the third party, though. Oh, and I had to skip singing in a choir concert that night, too, even though I knew that date before anything (it was a big choir, so losing one alto wasn’t going to hurt the sound). I guess that kind of demonstrates my priorities.
I don’t really live up to that standard, though, I don’t think, since I change my mind about things when I’m just feeling miserable. Or, I just avoid making a commitment in the first place.
June 15th, 2006 at 7:51 pm
I personally feel this is an impossible question to effectively answer. There are far to many variables at play.
I think it is up to a persons best judgement in the face of such a situation. And unless it is a re-occuring problem, I think most people are easy to forgive last minute plan cancelling/changing, assuming it is friends or family.
June 16th, 2006 at 12:37 am
Asking for a general solution in a blog comment is a bit ambitious. If you could narrow it down to something specific like “Under what circumstances would it be permissable to cancel a commitment to meet a lady with a lovely right forearm at a bagel shop” we might be able to solve that — or going at it from the other side, “What sort of commitments would an unexpected opportunity to spend an hour watching paint peel entitle one to cancel?”
June 16th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
I really dislike it whenever someone cancels plans we have made together, so I have little sympathy for minor reasons (but obviously not the serious reasons you mentioned - illness, death, etc.). The cancelled plans have to be solid plans — and by that I mean plans worthy of being written down in one’s agenda — not something nebulous like “lets have dinner at some point next week.” Canceling in this latter case is no big deal.
June 17th, 2006 at 12:42 am
I think I have a general solution after all: it’s okay to cancel plans if you know the person you made them with won’t mind. Otherwise there would have to be a good reason, such as death, birth, unexpected arrival of your long-lost twin who was thought to be dead but was actually only suffering from amnesia and living as a baccarat dealer in Las Vegas, needing to go to Mexico to avoid prosecution, that sort of thing.
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Getting engrossed in re-reading a good book is not an excuse. Neither is getting drunk and forgetting about the plans you had made.
June 17th, 2006 at 10:08 am
I don’t tend to cancel plans when it is with just one or two other people - that is, when the other’s ability to do the outing is somewhat contingent upon me. However, if it is a big gathering - I cancel with no good reason (although “dissertation” or “grading” always suffices).
June 18th, 2006 at 12:36 pm
I think it’s not a big deal if the other person is not relying on you to be present for the activity. As in if they can go and do whatever anyway, even if you don’t go, then it’s not a problem to cancel. Next up is advance notice. It’s almost always ok to cancel with sufficient advance notice, like a week, again so long as they haven’t expended significant money or time already.
If it’s a day in advance or the day of, it becomes a bit dicey. I guess one should stick to commitments, unless the other person won’t mind. I don’t know though, like Jesse said, too many variables. You gotta take care of yourself and not put yourself in situations that will be miserable, commitment or not.