a wolf angel is not a good angel

After going for coffee with a friend, I headed up to the Jewish bakery to pick up stuff they didn’t have. I got there a bit before 11. It was — surprisingly — packed. I could only get one roll, and they didn’t have any babka, but I got cheese danish and hamentashen. Hamentashen! I haven’t had those in ages. I avoided prune, got poppyseed, and the ever so classic raspberry jam hamentashen and custard hamentashen. I will find out shortly if those are any good or not, but most of their stuff is good. (Their rugelach is particularly good, but it’s only sold in large amounts.)

Then I went and got fresh bagels. Mmmm. Hot fresh bagels. Now I will go to sleep, because despite having napped for a few hours, I am very tired.

from Katie Couric

1. Would you ever move to another city?

Well, I have, and moved back. Would I move again? I guess, maybe. If — heavens forbid — a referendum vote went yes, I would keep the option on the table. I can’t imagine other reasons, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

I don’t really see why I would want to. I love living here. I love the city. I don’t want to move away from my family. I’ve never been drawn to really settling elsewhere.

(For the purposes of this question, I include all the demerged cities and places just off the island as being in this city.)

2. What is your favorite dessert?

My favourite? Maybe these oatmeal squares I really like. Or lava cakes, I love lava cakes. Or flourless chocolate cakes, especially with hazelnut. Or my grandmother’s peach pie.

See, I’m not judgy. I like them *all*.

3. What has been your biggest disappointment of the last year?

Oh, this past year has been very disappointing. I guess I have been my own biggest disappointment. I’ve not done the things I wanted to do — not been, generally, the person I wanted to be. And I am surprised at how bad the depression has been, too.

4. What TV series on DVD are you recommending these days?

Hmm. There’s always Buffy. I recommend Veronica Mars regularly. I’ll just do some time travelling and recommend Heroes, because I am very taken with the show.

5. What is the strangest thing you ever did as part of a job?

Categorised sex toys and fetishes.

Anyone want questions?

I was doing normal everyday things when I got all annoyed at people being stupid, and then I realised: it’s Monday! I can make “people I hate Mondays” my very own tradition. There is certainly no lack of people to complain about.

• People who block entire aisles with their shopping carts; also, people who stop their carts next to someone else’s, who stand in the free space between their cart and the groceries so no one can pass, who put their carts at weird angles so you have to maneuver them around their stupid carts.
• People who stop in the middle of the street, thinking it’s ok because they have their hazards on. You’re STILL blocking the lane, but now we know 10 seconds earlier.
• People who drive slowly in the fast lane. On the highways here, slowly is below, say, 115.
• People who are behind you, then go to the middle lane, then just barely avoid cutting you off when you are going a reasonable speed in the fast lane (120+). Pass, fine, but don’t cut someone off for insufficient speeding.
• The Habs. Why do they suck so much? They’re playing the Leafs tonight, here, which means I will not be leaving my house because the traffic will be terrible. So, I suspect, will the game.
• People who go to animal shelters who are “just browsing”. Browsing? I can understand if you don’t find the right animal, or if you come just to know what the procedures are (not that they’re hard or anything), but browsing?

Who do you hate?

Canadian channels occasionally show shows at different times than the American ones. I think Lost shows up in its old timeslot, not the new one. Gilmore Girls shows up later than in the US.

But lately, it’s been not a different time on the same day, but a different day. An *earlier* day (presumably because they know no one’s going to watch Global for a show airing later than the US channels). So, we get one of the Law and Orders early, which doesn’t matter, because I watch it whenever I feel like it — but we also got Heroes early this week and, I think, from now on.

Early meaning I have already seen it. (It’s one of the few shows I watch the day it airs instead of when I am bored.) And it’s getting very, very good. We hear more about the mysterious company Mr. Bennett works for. We get another week with no boring Niki. (Alas, also a week without Hiro (more or less), Isaac, Mohinder, the Petrellis.) I realise I confused the invisible man with another guy which is likely why parts of the episode were a bit puzzling.

I’m sure the show is about to go on a break, because we’re at episode 17 of (I assume) 22, and there are a lot of weeks to go until May. Alas. Because I really want to know how this is going to turn out.

I have found one of the two pairs of missing jeans. I bought one pair as a replacement, so I assume if I want pair number two to come back, I need to buy more jeans. But two pairs is sufficient.

A library book is missing, as well as lots of pairs of tights, my library card and my access card. Blogging will clearly not help, but I can’t keep purchasing stuff in order to find the old things.

I just splashed myself with very hot chocolate while I was stirring it. Ouch.

But it has vanilla and cinnamon and rum in it, so I am hoping to no longer care, soon. (In part because I would like to be asleep soon.)

My skirts, when they suddenly ride up from being appropriately knee-length (or just above, or just below, etc) to being micro-minis. It is even less elegant than when I end up yanking on my skirt to keep them down. I have considered sewing lead weights into the hem to keep them lower.

My tights, when I accidentally step into a puddle of detergent (which I don’t have time to clean up now anyhow) and so I need to wash my foot in the bathtub and then dry it as much as I can with a towel, because these are currently my only clean pair and I feel like wearing a skirt, even though it’s also annoying.

What is wrong with working in pyjamas, I want to know.

I started making kissy sounds at pictures of cats online.

As I whined over at Phantom’s, my sister has been difficult, lately. This is because she’s totally nuts. Someone here once suggested Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I have thought a lot about that, but in the end, I don’t think it’s that. But it’s also probably not that distant. Close enough, certainly, that some of the stuff I’ve read is useful.

But useful up to a point. I’ve never been particularly able at controlling my anger around her. She does, after all, know me well enough to know where every single one of my buttons is. Her big thing is always to mock me for being at my parents’ house (where she lives). For the past few months it’s — you know, I say this, and I know it’s absurd, because it sounds so fucking minor. The thing is: it isn’t. But for the past few months it’s just been saying my name in this weirdly semi-nasty (but with deniability) tone, and “Seeing you again/haven’t seen you since [whenever]/here again/something along those lines”. And as irritating as it gets (every single time), I’ve been totally able to ignore it. I don’t know how — maybe the lack of overt cruelty? (To me only. I am not going to list the ways she is nasty to other people.)

It has, however, been getting harder. Either because the steady accumulation ends up being as bad, or because I’m otherwise on edge, or because it’s really not all there is, or some combination of these and other things. And also, it’s annoying her that I haven’t gotten angry at her, so she’s stopped muttering the stuff (much of which I didn’t even hear, either as words or as incomprehensible mumbles) and started saying it louder. And her “Hi Wolfa” has gotten to almost yelling, which I find weird more than anything else. With a brief exception, I would say I have not spoken to her in two months.

It makes me sad. I see friends who have actual (positive) relationships with siblings, and I am jealous.

Also I have told her that I will not do her any favours unless she asks me herself, and politely. (I’ll ignore tone, but not word choice.) This means no asking my parents to ask me to do something (turn on/off a radio, a light). I have made it clear that I will do them, if she asks. So far, she’s just given up asking anyone when she wants me to do something. I am trying to hold back from pushing it, just to see how far she’ll go to refuse being not rude to me.

I don’t really know how much longer I can hold out. I don’t really know what choices I have. None, or none that are good.

I heard something in the other room. It could be sound travelling from a nearby apartment — or some small animal. I’ve actually been paranoid for a few days that I have a small animal in my house (not for any rational reason — food hasn’t disappeared or been nibbled on, there are no droppings, etc). This has not helped.

And my cat is being useless. When she was only a little younger, she loved chasing and being unable to kill small animals. What happened to her? How has she become so incompetent? She just watches when squirrels wander in (which they’re not, now: they did this when I left the back door open, pre-winter), while foster cat chased them away gleefully. If she weren’t sleeping with me all the time I am home, I would . . . oh, nothing different, I guess, but I do like how cuddly she has been lately.Right now she’s glaring at me. I assume it’s because I am not chasing the small animals away for her.