Book review: King John of Canada
How fun, I thought, when I picked up the book, and first started reading it. A “what would happen if we decided to have our own, Canadian monarch?” story, set not too long from now. (Either the dates were made unclear or I didn’t notice them.) And the first part of the book is very funny, though probably only if you’re Canadian. Some guy is chosen to be the new king (by winning a lottery). But oh no! He is from Toronto! Everyone hates Toronto, and poor Toronto doesn’t know how wonderful it is.
This turns into the entire rest of the book. Canada becomes three places: Toronto, Alberta, Quebec (which separates, and then magically all the Canadian citizens living there lose their Canadian citizenship). Toronto is good and wonderful and so sadly, sadly taken advantage of by the rest of Canada. Alberta is full of right-wingers and/or rednecks. Quebec is full of jerks. King John is so wonderful and clever and he loves Canada and Toronto! Toronto Toronto Toronto! Did I mention it’s the only important place in all of Canada? Sorry, BC, Atlantic provinces, maybe another book.
Nothing is subtle here. We know John is loved because we’re told how much he is loved. He makes the CFL popular! I mean, it already is, but he makes it popular in *Toronto*. And he shows those silly Aboriginals how silly their complaints are, and the silly feminists how silly their women’s awards are, and so on.
The book is supposedly written by John’s adviser, Blue, in John’s old cabin in Northern Ontario in the winter as he is about to freeze or starve to death, whichever. So chapters about the monarchy are alternated with chapters about freezing to death while writing a book, and the book ends with John and Blue both dying, in a weird, petered out ending, as if the author can’t think of more political pet peeves that John can miraculously fix so he kills everyone off. Sadly, it wasn’t done just a few hundred pages earlier.