Sea that has become known
It’s hard to remember how things were before they changed. I know that once I worked hard to keep in touch with people. I wasn’t outgoing, or good at meeting new people, but once I finally managed to make a friend, by god I was going to keep them. Except, you know, it didn’t work out, and now I am most casual about this. I don’t know that it would have been different even had I continued trying, because mostly it was one-sided and that’s not much of a friendship. (I admit, I am occasionally now on the other side. It’s sometimes that I don’t want to keep the relationship, but often something else. This is even obvious to me in blogging and commenting.)
Now of course I have the world’s teensiest circle of friends. But they are friends that I can count on, even if, between everyone’s busy-ness, I never actually see any of them.
But though I know I used to be more dedicated at trying to keep in touch, I don’t remember how I did it, or imagine how it could have been me who did it. I cannot figure out how I might try to do the same thing again. As I sometimes feel it might be nice to have a few more friends, I think, oh, I ought to try making some, but I’m not entirely sure how (my better friends also have small circles of friends), and perhaps I will make an effort, briefly, say on facebook, but if it’s not reciprocated, well, that’s it. I do not want to force myself onto people. Probably they’re lazy like me, but the truth is that I do not want to know the truth.
This is generally true. I do not want to know what people really think of me. If there is a specific action I do that drives you nuts, it’s not a weird pet peeve, and you’re actually someone I care about making happy, tell me. Otherwise: no. I don’t want to know that friend A wishes I’d message less and friend B wishes I’d go to restaurants that serve things that are neither Indian nor breakfast. (Look, I will go to those, but why bother, when there is so much Indian food and so many pancakes around?) Or whatever my irritations are, no doubt legion. I even more do not want to know what casual acquaintances think of me. Polite fictions, people.
February 13th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Yeah, I know what you mean about one-sided communication.
On the other hand, I don’t mind letting you know about weird actions that drive me nuts. (Maybe that’s related to the first point…)
I also sort of care about what the students think about me.
February 13th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Blogging itself is pretty one-sided, on both sides, somehow.
It depends what the action is that drives you nuts, really, whether or not it’s something that I want to hear. I mean, I will happily go to a restaurant that serves any kind of food, but I’m always going to recommend brunch or Indian. (Or: I don’t care, wherever you want to go, repeat times infinity.)
February 14th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Well, no blog for me. Although I have a friend who says I should write one, since some bizarre things happen to me from time to time.
BTW, brunch is great. I just had eggs and associated foods, because I could not deal with the prospect of cooking a “meal” (I failed to make edible pasta last night).
It also really sucks when you have no one who knows where they want to go. This can lead to failure.