It annoys me when people say, of someone who is doing really stupid/hurtful/cruel/(self-)destructive things, “So-and-so is doing the best that they can.”
Look, this might be true. Sometimes it is true. You do what you can, and sometimes just not being more stupid or hurtful or cruel or destructive than you are being is all you can do. I know that. But sometimes, you aren’t doing the best you can. I know when I am doing stupid shit and it’s because it’s the most I can possibly do, and when I’m doing it because it’s easy and I’m lazy and I don’t give a shit about the long-term consequences. Sometimes the line is blurry. But there’s still a line.
I’ll concede that we don’t, generally, know which is which for other people. I’ll even concede that it’s probably better to err on the side of kindness, and assume people are doing as best they can, with some massive exceptions. But it’s not *true* that people are always doing the best they can. And this is leaving out crimes, many of which (barring stuff like drug possession) are clearly not “doing the best you can”.
I do not even begin to believe anyone who claims to at all times be doing the best they can. They’re lying to me, or to themselves, but they’re missing something really basic about people, and they think they’re fooling everyone. They’re not. But now you can’t blame people for the crappy stuff they pull, because they’re doing the best they can. How can you ever expect more from someone than what they’re doing? That’s so unfair.
We’re humans. And what we, as humans, do best, is rationalisation, and justification, and making up explanations for stuff. It sucks to know you’re not doing the best you can, but if you imagine that you are — alas! I could not be doing a thing more! — then there’s nowhere to change. You’re as close to perfect as you ever can be, you wonderful person you.