a wolf angel is not a good angel

But I got my period — EARLY, damn it — and maybe that will explain it.

I am getting my period — without much crampy! yay! — and I *recognised it* when I was feeling sad and miserable and wanting to die. Unfortunately, I have now learned that knowing it’s hormonal while I’m going through it doesn’t actually change anything, except that “I will be miserable forever I should kill myself” turns into “I will be miserable once a month like this for the next twenty years I should kill myself”. Which in the end is no better.

On the plus side, though, I will be period-free during the vacation, except maybe the very end of my period will overlap with the very beginning of vacation.

On the other hand, I am way less crampy — or depressed — than usual. It’s sort of a general ache instead of agonising pain. I am taking pills for it too, which helps. Eventually.

I really, really hate getting my period.

I just got my period. Very bad timing, though.

I went to the library today, where, I am proud to say, I returned more books than I took out.

It’s currently overrun by teenagers. Now, a bunch of the rooms are restricted to 25+, but I always felt that was absurd: if you’re quiet, it’s fine. But mostly they’re not. We have groups of them running through the library, screaming; the rest of them just have loud conversations, with each other or with their phones. Librarians ignore it until you complain, which is not really the way to get them to stop. I am a hardass, so I’d kick them out for the day if I could, or maybe until they’re actual adults. (Incidentally, there is study space, and in the children’s section, it’s all group — aka loud — study.)

But more books, so really, I’m happy enough.

And on the noise issue, I have decided that I feel the penalty for people who blast loud music out their cars or windows is death by long sharp pointy implement through the ears. Yes, we’d kill off a lot of people at first, but it would be *worth it*.

(Yes, I do have my period, why do you ask?)

• My back hurts;
• my neck hurts;
• my stomach hurts;
• I’m crying at plays, tv shows and the more-than-occasional commercial.

I am totally about to get my period! I will claim that this past period of ennui was (an extended case of) PMS.

I cannot believe I am this excited about feeling incipient cramps.

Update: Cramps are here. Excitement is now at zero. On the plus side, I keep a heating pad at work.

This story deserves better than to be hidden in the comments thread of a funny post about wiping when you’ve got your period. What’s blogging without embarassing disclosure and other bits of TMI?

My family used to take day trips down to VT or NY to bike, and one time — I was probably about 15 — I got my period in the middle of the trip. So we stopped at some general store to buy tampons and I went to the washroom to put one in.

And as I sat there on the toilet, while I was inserting my tampon, the lock came unlocked and some man opened the door. I yelled at him — it wasn’t his fault, but really. That was the first time any man saw me (part) naked since I was a toddler.

My plan of ignoring things and hoping they will magically resolve themselves has been entirely successful.

Note the incredible dearth of I hate myself and everything in the world posts lately, despite having just gotten my period. Yes, you wouldn’t've predicted it because (a) it’s a little early and (b) I’m not suicidal.

Well, now that I full-on have my period, depression’s lifted — I’m teary, but that’s about it. On the other hand, I had a cramp so bad it woke me up this morning. This cramp was then followed by more. Stupid uterus.

Today I think my break will be to make myself a bunch of nice mp3 cds to take with me on the trip. (This assumes that no one wants to buy me an ipod photo. I accept gifts!)